Saturday, December 26, 2009

The Square Awards: Best of the '00s

Greetings and salutations, Squares.

Your faithful Square bloggers, Vampire Christmas and Ninja Thanksgiving, are sick and tired of seeing a plethora of "Best Of" lists all over the Internet (and VH1). It's about time we Squares were involved in deciding what was best throughout the '00 (pronounced "oh-oh") years!

Thus, NT and I have come up with the Square Award. It looks a little something like this:

(And it's entirely fictional, but whatever.)

This week, we will be presenting Square Awards on this site to the films, tv shows, hotties, etc., that most appealed to Squares during the '00s. Not only are we presenting the Square Award to the beloved things of the '00s, but we also felt it our duty to call out the worst things of the '00s (i.e. the things that Squares shunned or felt disgusted by during the '00s). I don't think you're ready for this jelly.

THE NOMINEES random order...


Beloved: The Scientist, Cry Me A River, Welcome to the Black Parade, Toxic, Work It, Umbrella, Lady Marmalade, Hey Ya, South Side, Feel, Let Me Blow Ya Mind, Weapon of Choice, Frontin', She Wants to Move, Drive, In Da Club, What Would You Do?, Dilemma, Knights of Cydonia, Icky Thump, Objection (Tango), Just Like a Pill, Stand Up, Get Back, Ignition (Remix), No One Knows, My Band, Yeah, Shut Up, I Believe In A Thing Called Love, The Real Slim Shady, Father of a Son, Leave (Get Out), Hollaback Girl, Mr. Brightside, Since You've Been Gone, Helena, Crazy, Gold Digger, Move Along, Dirrty, Testify, D.A.N.C.E., SexyBack, Hey Ma, All Nightmare Long, Sixteen Military Wives, Lipgloss, Bad Romance, I'm On A Boat, Conquest, Diva, Fidelity, Listen Up, Trapped in the Closet

Shunned: Baby Boy, A Milli, Nickelback anything, Sk8ter Boi, Your Body is a Wonderland, The Reason, Beautiful Soul, Wait (The Whisper Song), Laffy Taffy, Vertigo, You're Beautiful, Girlfriend, Smack That, When I Grow Up, I Kissed A Girl, Cater 2 U


Beloved: Hero, Brick, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Lord of the Rings 1-3, The Dark Knight, Harry Potter 1-6, Brokeback Mountain, Donnie Darko, Napoleon Dynamite, The Good Girl, Memento, Amelie, The Others, Erin Brokovich, Gladiator, The Brothers Grimm, Anchorman, School of Rock, I Heart Huckabees, A Knight's Tale, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Finding Neverland, You Can Count On Me, Far From Heaven, The Prestige, American Psycho, Moulin Rouge, Lost in Translation, Mamma Mia, Bridget Jones's Diary, Love Actually, Chicago, Stranger Than Fiction, Wonder Boys, Traffic, The Holiday, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Waitress, Serenity, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Departed, Gosford Park, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, The Incredibles, Little Miss Sunshine, Milk, A History of Violence, Eastern Promises, Pitch Black, The Hangover, Let The Right One In, Dear Frankie, Green Street Hooligans, Juno, Junebug, Saved, Lars and The Real Girl, Spellbound, This Film Is Not Yet Rated, Two Weeks Notice

Shunned: Laws of Attraction, Troy, Catwoman, Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, He's Just Not That Into You, Obsessed, Pearl Harbor, Wolverine, Crash, Dragon Wars, Basic Instict 2, Boat Trip, Glitter, Honey, Gigli, Across the Universe, Little Man, Norbit, New York Minute, Van Helsing, August Rush, The Women, Because I Said So, Matrix Revolutions


Beloved: LOST, True Blood, Buffy, Felicity, Undeclared, Sons of Anarchy, Freaks and Geeks, The Ashlee Simpson Show, Newlyweds, Flavor of Love, So You Think You Can Dance, The Office, 30 Rock, The Soup, The O.C., Best Week Ever, Supernanny, TRL, Late Night with Conan O'Brien, RuPaul's Drag Race, The Sopranos, Queer as Folk, Gossip Girl, Hidden Palms, Laguna Beach, Rome, Gilmore Girls, Arrested Development, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Colbert Report, Six Feet Under, Cheaters, Project Runway

Shunned: Heroes, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, The Swan, One Tree Hill, 90210, The Surreal Life, A Real Chance at Love, Hell’s Kitchen, Gone Country, The Simple Life


Beloved: Gary Oldman, Adam Lazzara, Gerard Way, Jon Hamm, Kris Allen, Adam Lambert, Jason Castro, Ewan McGregor, Seth Green, Eric Northman from True Blood, Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean, Justin Timberlake, Chauncey Billups, Kevin Garnett, Joel McHale, John Krasinski, Grant Show, Jude Law, Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, Jensen Ackles's Dean Wincester from Supernatural, Jack White, Charlie Hunnam, RDJ, Josh Holloway, Edward Cullen, Orlando Bloom, Jesse Eisenberg, Chloe Sevigny, John Leguizamo, Patrick Swayze, Cate Blanchett, Toni Collette, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Julie Andrews, Patrick Fugit, Amber Tamblyn, James MacAvoy, America Ferrera, Zoey Deschanel, Paul Rudd, Michael Cera & Clark Duke, Viggo Mortensen, Zac Efron, Meryl Streep, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Amy Sedaris, Mark Wahlberg's characters from both I Heart Huckabees & The Departed, Frank Iero, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Nicole Kidman, Denzel Washington, Joaquin Phoenix, Javier Bardem, Emma Thompson, Daniel Day-Lewis, James Franco, Kate Winslet, Ben Foster, Queen Latifah, Emile Hirsch, Hugh Dancy, Adam Brody, Benjamin McKenzie, Russell Brand, Johnny Depp

Shunned: Metro Station, 3OH!3, Angel from Angel the Series, Bill Compton from True Blood, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Keira Knightly's Elizabeth Bennett from Pride & Prejudice, Perez Hilton, Gwyneth Paltrow (for her GOOP site), Kirsten Dunst, The Kardasians, Josh Duhamel, Ray Romano, Gerard Butler, all the celebs who signed the "Free Roman Polanski" petition (say it ain't so, Natalie Portman!!)


Beloved: Harry Potter series, The Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, Truth & Beauty, The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks, Middlesex, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Devil in the White City

Shunned: Twilight saga, I Feel Bad About my Neck, The Time Traveler’s Wife, Water for Elephants, The Historian


Beloved: Nanerpus, LOLcats, Stuff On My Cat, Recut Trailers, Twist of a Bitch YouTube video, crazy commentors on Buzznet, Found, End of The World video, Charlie the Unicorn video,, Viva Caligula game, Salad Fingers video series, STFU Parents, Homestar Runner

Shunned: NBC and Fox yanking a bunch of clips from YouTube, Single Ladies parodies, Fred, All Your Base Are Belong to Us, TMZ, the episode of Salad Fingers where they showed a close-up of Salad Fingers’s nipples, pop-up ads, smiley face ads that annoyingly croon "Helloooooo," YouTube videos where you think it’s going to be a video and ends up being a slideshow of pictures to some craptastic song

*Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion this Wednesday, when winners will be anounced!*