Thursday, November 19, 2009

Letter to Crazies: Puppy Weddings vs. Monkey Babies

Dear Crazy People,

Please do not dress your dogs up in human clothes and have them get "married." It's freaking scary. Why do you think we'll believe your contrived backstories for your dogs? Do you really think me, a grown woman, is going to believe that a King Charles spaniel named Penny Lane is a "former ballerina" who now "handles the front desk" at a dance studio?!

And furthermore, crazy people, do not attempt to replace your human child with a monkey baby to compensate for your empty nest issues.

(Click here to see a clip from that show!)

There's nothing sadder than watching an adult think that her monkey baby accidentally swallowed some pills and then call her monkey psychic to ask if her monkey baby did indeed swallow those pills. This insanity must stop. You all are acting like a bunch of Elmiras, ok?! If you're over the age of ten and have some psychological issues that need working out, then go to a nice psychologist's office and leave poor animals alooooone!!