Saturday, January 24, 2009

Feature Intro: Lovechild

When VC and NT are just sitting around watching television, we often have the following problem...

VC: Wait. Where do I know that actor?
NT: Oh, crap. He looks really familiar...
VC: Is he that guy from LOST or something?
NT: Is he that guy from that one band? Or something?

We eventually conclude that this mystery person is kind of like a combination of other celebrities, making him/her a "lovechild." And then we conclude that this is a hella fun way to pass the time. (The Poor Man's Game is fun, the old school "Skeet Ulrich is the Poor Man's Johnny Depp.") So, we decided to make this a feature of our new blog, too. You want some examples or what?!

Last Sunday, VC and NT spent part of the evening absorbed in the new Masterpiece Classic miniseries that is Wuthering Heights. Those Bronte characters need to calm DOWN, am I right?! Heathcliffe, stop being a dick already. And Cathy, get a spine. But I digress...when the character of Young Heathcliffe popped up onscreen, VC and NT spent a good deal of time ignoring the plotline and trying to figure out who the hell he looked like. Here's Mystery Kid/ Young Heathcliffe:

Play along, won't you? Who does this guy remind you of, exactly?! Hmmm. Cillian Murphy? Not exactly. A French Lady? Getting warmer...

NT and VC realized that -- duh!! --Young Heathcliffe was obviously the lovechild of Jack White from The White Stripes and actress Fairuza Balk. Right?!

Jack White + Fairuza Balk = Young Heathcliffe

With this realization, VC and NT could rest easier and go back to their scheduled programming without worrying about Young Heathcliffe's origins.

This game doesn't have to be done with only celebrities. Oh no, VC and NT have been known to use animals, puppets, and even inanimate objects in their Lovechild equations. To illustrate this point, let us use a fabulous Lovechild example provided by VC and NT's good friend B:

Crowe + Snoopy

= Snoopy Crowe (a.k.a. Benjamin MacKenzie from The O.C.)

Behold, the now infamous Snoopy Crowe. All the brooding skillz of Russell Crowe with a dash of Snoopy cuddliness.

We promise to stay dilligent and update you guys on all our future Lovechild realizations. Why waste time searching for real celebrity info on IMDB or something when you can just make up some crap that's far more amusing, you know?