In no-longer-news-but-was-news-when-I-first-heard-about-it-Friday, Kevin "The Ugly One" Jonas got laid last night. So I guess that's pretty cool. Okay, so maybe there's no actual proof that he got laid, but he got married and is famous for wearing ye olde purity ring, so put two and two together. Also, dude's a scorpio. Bitches is freaks, man. He's probably gettin' it awn as we speak. Naasty. Freak nasty. I mean, look at this kid down here (the one in the center). If he ain't ready to do it, ready to bone, ready for dome, I don't know all the words to the theme song of his Original Disney Channel comedy!
All I know is that when Joe and I get married, there will be no trading his purity ring for one of them normal wedding banns. First off because I don't like jewelry, to the point where I don't even know how to spell it. And secondly because our marriage will be chaste. I'm talking separate twin beds--or even better, bedrooms--and blushing when our hands brush in the kitchen in the morning and sitting at opposite ends of the sofa and looking away when we make eye contact for a second.
Joe! Call me! Your parents will love me and we can honeymoon in Branson!