Friday, February 6, 2009

Mr. Mantrum 2009 Eats Some Humble Pie


Christian Bale called into a radio station this morning (full audio here) to apologize for...everything? Dang, his apology is pretty thorough. According to Defamer's website, Christian assured the DJs "this is no punk," and he thanked them for making him laugh during his "miserable week." Here are some highlights for all you disappointed Newsies fans.

"I'm not comfortable yet with this notion of being a "movie star." I'm an actor. The thing that disturbs me so much is that I've heard a lot of people saying that I think that I'm better than everybody else. And nothing could be further from the truth. I'm a lucky S.O.B., and that is why I put so much into what I do."

How the Method can kick him in the ass sometimes:

"In [The Terminator Movies] you will meet Sarah Connor. And she is in an insane asylum—why is she there? Because she is crazy. Now I play John Connor her son, and on the day that all of this happened, the scene that we were doing, I was trying to show a little of that in-the-blood craziness, and it went a little wrong... I took it way too far, and I completely mixed up fact and fiction. I'm half John Connor, I'm half Christian there."

On how DP Shane Hurlbut and he are not "done professionally":

"I've not only talked with him, we've resolved this completely. That very day we kept working for a number of hours. Listen when I'm saying I'm not coming back on that set if he's still hired, it's hot air. I don't believe that. I have no intention of getting anybody fired."

On the folly of being perceived as a bully:

"And another thing: a lot of people said that I was a bully to this guy. That's an insult to Shane. He is a big guy. I couldn't have bullied that guy if I tried. He's much bigger than me—he's an ex-friggin football player...not little orphan Annie!"

Trying to get Vampire Christmas to spend her money on the new Terminator movie:

"Please, I'm asking people— do not let my one time lapse in judgment, my incredibly embarrassing meltdown overshadow this movie, and let all those people's hard work go to work go to waste. The mythology is too big."

* * *

Hmmmmmmmm. Good news, to be sure. I will certainly steal the phrase "in-the-blood craziness" from him. But I still think he needs some therapy. He needs to be able to tell when he's Christian Bale and when he's a character. However, perhaps this psychotic character trait has its upside. If we want our old Christian Bale back, we just have to convince him he's a character who's sweet and is from old-timey times. Easy peasy.

I guess I'd be a hypocrite if I kept hating Bale, though. After all, I forgave Alec Baldwin for verbally assaulting his daughter, for crying out loud! (He's funny on 30 Rock and was amazing in The Departed, ok?!) Also, does anyone else remember when George Clooney punched his director on the set of a movie?

The moral of the story? Hollywood actors (and actresses!) are batshit insane. Do you know who's way cooler than all of them? All of us Squares!!!! Squares are an endangered species in Hollywood, and I'm glad the rest of the world is filled with people who call bullshit when Hollywood egos get out of control.

P.S. Best Week Ever + Christian Bale's Tantrum + Newsies Trailer = Crazy

P.P.S. ...and the winner of the Best Comments About Christian Bale's Meltown Award goes to the ladies over at for this hilarious comment thread:

"The Reign of Fire he caused in my loins will now Terminate. It's lost its Prestige.
-- You may regret that come some lonely Dark Knight.
-- This is Newsies to me.
-- More for all the other Little Women of the world?
-- If Dawn wants to go out with this American Psycho, no one with be able to Rescue her.
-- as long as he doesn't Swing Kids around he can be the sun of my empire.
-- POCAHONTAS! (No, I didn't integrate that, and, no, we won't forget about it, Christian.)
-- Mary, Mother of Jesus, it's not like everyone can be The Portrait of a Lady all of the time. Don't geive the guy the Shaft because of one little outburst.
-- Well, I won't judge because I'm Not There, I had to rush to catch my 3.10 to Yuma.
-- You ladies hit the Velvet Goldmine with your references.
-- This is how all the Bad(t)men Begin, trashing hotel rooms and smashing Capt Corelli's Mandolin. It's a slippery slope down to the Velvet Goldmine. (Thank you, IMDB.)
-- Wow, y'all must have been having Hard Times, lost your Equilibrium. Might want to go to the Machinist and get it fixed or something... "