Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Where's My Jasper Cut-Out, Already?

Boston was supposed to get hit with, like, a foot of snow last night, so all yesterday evening all talk in the office was about the possibility of a snow day. When we woke up this morning, though, there was a light dusting and that was all. Was I sorrowful? No. I did not want said possible snow day because I had things to do in the office. Paperwork? Yes, but that was not it. Helping students? Naturally, but it was not that in particular that I was looking forward to. It was the planned photoshoot with the six-foot tall cardboard cut-out of Edward Cullen we had found in the rarely-used second-floor locker room/bathroom at my office. I had to make it into the office come rain or sleet--or other things that the post office ignores--so that I could take pictures such as this.
Sigh. There he is. Beautiful in most ways and very life-like. Fortunately, it was a cloudy day and so his skin didn't sparkle and thus ruin the shot. And my life. That stupid skin sparkling grosses me out! Anyway, here are some of the highlights of the photoshoot.Yeah, he's in a shower. Wearing clothes in a shower, because he's modest. And yeah, we have showers in the second-floor bathroom. It used to be a gym, so we have all kinds of weirdo non-officey things, like locker rooms and dance studios and high school kids.

I like this one because it looks so realistic. It's like he was in the bathroom stall crying and being emo and sad and in love with Bella and weeping over how he can never have her, and then upon leaving the bathroom he caught sight of himself in the mirror. And he's just thinking, "You're a monster" and is full of self-loathing. Hot."Don't worry, Ninja Thanksgiving," said Edward. "I love you so much that I will go into the women's bathroom and buy you tampons out of the decades-old dispenser while you're laid up with cramps. Also tampons have to do with blood, so that's cool."
"Thanks, Edward, my beloved," said Ninja Thanksgiving. "I do wish you'd make me a vampire so we could live together forever. You are truly my soulmate and I can't live my life without you. Oh, and while you're out get me some ice cream. And some Drano!"
Although Edward was beautiful, Ninja Thanksgiving was glad he had left so she could have a smoke in peace. And then she called up Edward's adopted brother Jasper and they made out for a good, long time. Don't tell Edward.