Square Video of the Week (Year?)

Beastie Boys - Make Some Noise - Free Music Videos - Top Songs

Obviously, right? Obviously this was going to be picked as your jam of the week.

The Top 10 Best Things About This Masterpiece of a Video

10. Frodo!! Where have you been?! Ah, being a rad DJ? Well, despite your hipsteryness, we nerds missed ya!

9. Frodo getting hit over the head for mackin' on Chloe Sevigny. Nice try, Mister Frodo.

8. ORLANDO BLOOM ALERT! If this is going to be a Rings reunion, I demand some Mortensen, y'all.

7. Danny McBride's general swagger

6. The blink-and-you-miss-it Dunst cameo. Just how I like my Dunst cameos.

5. The future Boys' car, 80s-movie style

4. Oops! Ya burnt, Dwight Schrute and Ann Perkins!

3. Oh yeah. The song is pretty cool, too. Sorry; I got distracted by the celebs.

2. Ted Danson?! Sure. Why NOT Ted Danson?

1. Will Arnett, channeling the one and only Gob Bluth. Come ON!

Square Quote of the Week: Feeding Your Soul

Give. Remember always to give. That is the thing that will make you grow.
- Elizabeth Taylor

[images via Tumblr]

RIP, Nate Dogg

This 90s music video is in honor of the recently departed Nate Dogg. Mr. Dogg, you were featured on so many awesome songs, but this one will always be on top.

Game Over, Internet: Perfect GIF Has Been Found!

[via GIF Party]

Could you be
the most beautiful GIF in the world?
Plain to see
you're the reason why God made a...you get the picture.

I LOVE THIS GIF TO FILTH!!!!!!!

Square Music Alert: "Letter to Lil Wayne"

BRAVO, Watoto From The Nile!!!!!!! This jam is thoughtful and inspiring...everything that Lil Wayne songs are not. Take some notes, Wheezy. THIS is how you make relevant rap with a message:



Oops, looks like they just schooled him.

Justify My Love: But Better 'Cause It's Effing Beth Ditto!

Squares, here is your fierce new jam of the week:


Aaaaaand your follow-up jam:

Square Movie Alert

Already a hit with all the Squares at Sundance, Submarine looks to be a mighty amazing film.



VC's Checklist of Things That Will Get Her To See This Movie
- Harold & Maude tone
- Sally Hawkins, Square Icon and Supremely Gifted Actress
- Teen characters who don't sing and aren't swoony for vampires
- Bitchin' bobbed haircuts
- This guy is the writer/director
- Alex Turner did the soundtrack? Arctic Monkey's frontman Alex Turner? That Alex Turner? I'm there.

A Readerly 2011: Dino-sauer Edition

I've finished another book in 2011! Was it Annabel, the book I was talking about last blog post? No, for in the end it got toooo saaaaad. I cannot read sad books in the summer, nor can I read them while Boston is being pounded with snow storm after snow storm. So I ditched it three-quarters of the way through, to be picked up again when my heart is stronger.

Instead, the book I finished was Mr. Toppit, by Charles Elton, which was a coming-of-age tale that was a mix of the JK Rowling story and Oprah's story. Well, alright. I can do that. I was enjoyable enough. But can I request all the authors out there to stop relying on the old troubled-young-adults-who-turn-to-drugs-and-sex-to-ease-their pain trope. I get it, I know it happens, but it's just so easy. There are lots of troubled youths with daddy issues out there and while a lot of them turn to drugs and sex, a lot of them don't and their issues manifest themselves in other ways. All I'm saying is I'm tired of addiction being used as shorthand for sorrow in book. Thanks.

For my next book of 2011, I'm cheating a little. I've read this book before, in fact, many many times. In middle school, I think seventh grade specifically, I was mildly obsessed with this book, and carried it around in my backpack all the time, read it all the time, loved it to death to the point where the cover fell off. The book is, of course, Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton. I went through a pretty intense Michael Crichton phase in middle school, and along with Jurassic Park, I read most of his books. My favorites were The Andromeda Strain, for its detailed description of a decontamination chamber, and A Case of Need, from which I developed a love for impotent radiologists. I bought A Case of Need from Honeycomb Books, the used bookstore by my house which no longer exists, and so sort of in honor, I went to the Brookline Booksmith Used Book Cellar and picked up a classic mass market paperback of JP. (Oooh, perhaps in honor of finishing this book, I'll head to J.P. Licks and grab some ice cream.)



I think I'm about 50 pages in so far, and my twenty-nine year old self is not disappointed in my twelve-year-old self's choice of reading materials. The most disturbing part so far has not been the serious maiming and killing of small children by dinosaurs, but rather the fact that Ellie Sattler is twenty-four.

Hall of Shame: Movie Posters

Let us all agree these three movie (er, sorry...film) posters are both captivating and awful. I laughed when I saw them, and yet I'd rather shove Tabasco sauce in my eyes than sit through these films in their entirety.


WHAT WILL HAPPEN, Y'ALL?! WILL THE PRESIDENT DIE?!!



Ok, now, hold up. Stop right there. This is a comedy, yes? A comedy revolving around a very inappropriate marriage? But, lest we get the wrong idea, the tagline is quick to remind us that she's just doing it for "the money." Ah yes...the money?

1.) What is "the money?" Is "the money" really worth getting married to a child? Because if she needs the money that badly, she and her boyfriend can just go on a killing/stealing spree instead, amiright nerds?!
2.) Why is he making that face?! I am severely creeped out at how uncomfortable that poor little dude looks. JoGo, are you ok?!!!!



Dear "The Mechanic" Movie Poster,
Sorry. A violent orange phallus won't get me to see your movie.
Love,
VC

No one will argue that, indeed, someone does need to fix "the problems." (Perhaps "the problems" result from "the money?") But I'm going to need some specifics, please. It's about "the" mechanic, but it's starring two guys. So, I don't even know who this mechanic is or what kind of problems he's trying to fix. Car problems, I would assume.

WAIT. Maybe the plot is really about someone who is having a problem WITH a mechanic, and thus has to fix the problems created by that mechanic? Nailed it.


GIFSoup

For Your Consideration: Square Moments From the Golden Globes

GIFSoup

So nice to see a bunch of Squares at the Golden Globes last night. While RoboBrangelina snuggled with each other and pretended to do normal human things like "smiling" (see above), the celebrity Squares in attendance kept the mood hilarious.



Best BFFs - Busy Phillips & Michelle Williams
[via Busy-Phillips.org]

Best BFFs Runner-Up: Jake Gyllenhaal & Jason Segal


Best Nerd Laugh - Natalie Portman


Best Crazy Face - Christian Bale, Drunk Jesus


Best Acceptance Speech By A Crazy Face - Christian Bale


Best Fashion - Helena Bonham Carter
[via Jason Merritt, Getty Images]

Most Adorably Awkward - The Reluctant-To-Go-Onstage Duo


Most Adorably Sleazy - RDJ


Best GIF Mutilation



Best Withering Stare - Michelle Pfeiffer, HBIC
[image via Jezebel]

Most Missed Guest - Brendan Fraser, for his 2010 Audience Member Performance


Classiest Square - Duh, you guys
[via InStyle]